Why I Run: It's a Love/Hate Relationship

You might be expecting to read oh how much I love running all the time, how every run is empowering and awesome, but actually that is not my experience at all. In fact, I have had more bad runs than good probably and honestly, it may sound strange but that is Why I Run!

If you live life wanting everything to come easy, you are going to miss out on moments where growing and striving for better is actually what you need. I know you might be thinking, "But, I want life to be easy and I want everything to be awesome and happy all the time." Give me a moment and hear me out. Living life and being happy is great! But, let me ask this...

Would you know true happiness if you didn't ever have to work hard for a goal? 

Would you grow to be a better person if you didn't struggle a little along the way?

Would your successes be as enjoyable if you didn't have to work for it?

My answer to those questions is obviously "no". Running has taught me more through the challenge of setting goals and doing my best to achieve them. Setting new goals, even when I fall short, are the driving factor of my reason why I run. In addition to the sense of achievement, I've also developed friendships with some amazing people that I consider my friends for life.

When Did I Start?

When I was younger, I didn't like to run at all and although I loved sports, I was too shy and fearful to try. I constantly worried about what people might think, if they would make fun of me for going slow, or laugh as I finished last in a race. Then, my military husband was stationed in Washington, DC and when we moved to a new duty station in the largest city I had every lived in, I felt lost. I was lonely, had a one year old son (my first) and pretty much locked in the house all day. I had taken a brief break from work for two months during the transition, because school systems usually are not hiring school counselors mid-year. So, during those two months, although I loved being a mom, I was miserable. My career had been my life and I was feeling completely lost with no ambition. It was then that I received a postcard in the mail from Team in Training.  It said something like, "come help cure cancer and run with us"...I don't really remember what it said, but it was enough to grab my attention. I reluctantly signed up for an information meeting and thought maybe if I see what this is about I can check off a bucket list item. Everyone has run a marathon on their bucket list, right?

As I sat listening to these inspiring people and their journeys of running a marathon and raising money to cure blood cancers, I wanted to be part of it. I loved community service and giving back to a cause that was important. I had done that all my life. Plus, the schedule they provided showed we would be running in several suburbs in the area and I thought it would force me to find my way around this crowded, full of traffic city.

I remember the first training like it was yesterday. We met at a trail and did a quick warm-up and learned to stretch. Then, we were asked to run 3 miles. I hadn't run a step since childhood and couldn't breath during that first run. It was hard. Harder than hard. But, if it came easy, I wouldn't have learned how fulfilling and defining running would be in my life. I use the word defining because it is who I am. After six months of training, I finished my first full marathon. It was originally just a bucket list item to check off the list and have some bragging rights. Then, it happened. I crossed the finish line of a marathon!!!! What???? Did I really do that? 

At mile 23 I think it was, I hit the only baby hill on the course and my coach ran up it with me. He said, "wow, you are sprinting up this hill at mile 23!"  That started to plant the seed that I can do hard things, impossible things and running taught me that. How could I let something go that made me a stronger, more confident me?  The answer is simply, "I couldn't".

In addition to the personal feeling of accomplishment and striving for new and harder challenges, running is where I have met the best friends. Even though I've moved to the West Coast, I regularly meet my running buddies from Team in Training for destination run weekends. Running has become part of my identity, it is me. I am not me without running.

Why I Run?

Because I can and it is a blessing that I am physically capable
Because I feel stronger emotionally and physically every time I run
Because I am a role model for my boys and my example shows them to work hard, persevere through challenges, and reach for your goals even when it isn't easy
Because the friends I have met through running are the most genuine, soul mates I've ever had
Because I owe it to myself to be the me I'm meant to be and can't do that without running

The past couple of years, I have been plagued with nagging injuries and I'm struggling to run my best races or reach my goal of completing a 50K.  So, running isn't perfect. I've learned that setbacks and moments of frustration are just part of the deal. Instead of letting that be an excuse to give up, I use it as my excuse to dig deeper and once again show myself that I can do the impossible.  So, let the love/hate relationship with running continue. I'm better for it.